SUDDENLY SOUTHERN
9 JANUARY 2005
You've heard me talking about how people down here
behave when it snows. Their driving, their sledding, their non-existent plans
for snow removal... Last night I witnessed a new Southern stretch -
An
indoor ice skating rink opened here in town. (Did I mention this is the SOUTH?)
Let me start off by saying... there is something just NOT right about
corn rows and ice skates in the same location.
The new skating rink here
is state of the art, very impressive, and even owns its own Zamboni. If only
they could find someone with Zamboni-driving experience.
We went along
with Carolina Dreamer's family to witness this grand opening. We'd decided the
first weekend it was open was NOT the time to try to skate, so we just went over
to take a peek and scope it out a little. I was curious, because when again in
my lifetime am I going to be in the right place to witness 200 people on ice
skates for (probably) the first time in their lives. It HAD to be a spectacle!!!
I wasn't disappointed. Imagine ALL kinds of people - children, families,
college students (the funniest) trying to impress their dates, macho guys who
just KNEW their testosterone would make them immediate 'naturals' and girls who
were dressed in such skimpy clothes you had to wonder if anyone bothered to
mention to them that they were going to be in a building full of ice.
It
was VERY easy to spot the Southern Transplants, as these were the people gliding
effortlessly around the ice or, in the case of a couple of young boys, racing
hell bent around the rink zooming around every skater in their way.
"Effortlessly" might be a stretch, because no matter how experienced a skater
you are, you still have to watch out for falling bodies around you, and try not
to skate over their helpless little fingers.
It's been many years
since I've been on ice skates myself, and I've noticed there are a few changes
to the overall "feel" for this pastime.
1) Indoor ice skating poses a
fashion dilemma. Do you want to look cool or do you want to stay on your feet
instead of tripping over the jeans hanging down off your butt? The only cracks I
want to see are the cracks in the ice when you land, thank you so much.
2) Cell phones clipped to your belt/pockets are NOT safe when the above
mentioned butt hits the ice. And phoning your friends back home (wherever that
may be) to say "OH MY GOD, guess what I'm doing!!!??" is just as risky as
driving a car while on the phone.
3) It is helpful, in the case of first
time skaters, to be aware of the differences between figure and hockey skates so
that you don't land on that very same ass when you try to stop.
4) The
walls around an indoor rink are very effective "brakes" when you can't stop any
other way - much kinder to your dignity than the stopping method used when I was
growing up, which was basically a face-plant in a snowbank.
It was a FUN
time, and I'm looking forward to bringing the family there when the fervor and
novelty have worn off a bit and there are a few LESS flailing arms and legs in
the rink. It will be a hoot to watch my kids adjusting to skating in less than
full body snow gear and 7 layers. Imagine the freedom!
It was also fun
to see the faces of all these people trying something so new to them. They were
having a blast!!! Even while laying flat on their backs looking up at the disco
balls! Even the guy who had to be helped off the ice after a nasty crash in the
corner was grinning ear to ear. I'm very glad I was there to see the party.
And I think I'll call my nephews back up in Minnesota . My almost-11 yr
old nephew is stressed because he didn't start his hockey career until the ripe
old age of 9, which means he was basically washed up before he started, and is
stuck playing on "C teams" while other kids his age are far more advanced. He
could move down here and be a HOCKEY STAR. Heck - I bet someone would give him a
free car to get him down here!
I wonder if they need any coaches...
